However, before we get to that bit let me update you on the progress of Victoria. On Friday 19th January Victoria's care was taken over by the team at UCLH which is fantastic! I didn't think it would happen so fast. We had our first appointment with them on Wednesday 24th, and we are going again on Tuesday 30th for her pump! I could not be happier about this.
Ok, I don't usually write about me, in fact I think I have only done it once since I started this blog in 2010.
If you don't know me in real life there are some things that you need to know.
- I don't really 'do' emotion. By that I mean I don't cry at films, or books, or TV programmes. I don't cry at Children in Need or Comic Relief etc.
- My mantra is generally 'it is what it is, and it's ok'
- Mostly, if something is out of my control, and I can't change it, then I tend not to worry about it. Please note that I said 'mostly'
- I was on anti depressants for 7 years. I stopped taking them in February last year (2017)
These last two weeks in one way have gone so fast, but in another it seems like a life time. The first week I was a mum on a mission. I wanted her transferred out of the care of our local hospital to UCLH as soon as humanly possible, although we had to go through the motions of dealing with the local team. Once that had happened the second week involved me re visiting maths. UCLH gave us a carb ratio to work with, so I had to get back to working out insulin doses, something that I haven't had to do since Samuel started on his pump as it does it for you.
The appointment at UCLH reignited some emotion from me. There is a consultant nurse there who is amazing, and lovely and has the ability to reduce me to tears just by looking at me. Her name is Becky, we had lots of dealings with her when Samuel first went on his pump, and she was the first person that I saw at our appointment. All she has to do is ask me if I'm ok and that's enough to set me off, although I did manage to hold it together, this time. I don't know what will happen next week!
Monday I went back to work, I was off for the first week, and all it took was one of the teachers, who taught Victoria and Samuel, Geraldine, to ask me how I was... yep you've guessed, I was crying on her shoulder. Then Friday, one of the school mums saw me in the car, crying again! Then had to listen to me go on, sorry Julie.
Like I said I'm usually 'its ok', but in all honesty, it's NOT ok. Nothing about this situation is ok, and it won't be.
It's not ok that this has happened again, it wasn't ok the first time. It's not ok that every night that I go to bed I have the worry that one of them won't wake up. It's not ok that children are dying because of this condition. It's not ok.
If you see me, I will probably smile and say that I'm fine, what you won't see so much, is when I'm on my own, driving the car, or running, the smile may be gone, and the tears may be flowing.