Friday 26 October 2018

CWD mum struggling: The bigest test, tears and tantrums.

If ever I needed proof that the age of diagnosis mattered then this last week was it; it was glaringly obvious in all its ugliness. For those of you who may have just stumbled upon my blog I have two children who have type 1 diabetes. Samuel aged 14, diagnosed when he was 4 years olds, and Victoria aged 12, diagnosed 10 months ago when she was 11.

Every October half term myself and the 4 children go with my friend and her 2 children to Great Yarmouth for a week. This is something we have done since 2009, it's a week filled with fun, laughter, swimming, rides and ice cream. The children charge around from the moment that they open their eyes until they close them again when they go to bed, this is especially true for Victoria and her best buddy Emily.
At the time of writing this we have been home 9 hours, this last week has been, for me, the most stressful, frustrating and heart breaking since we started on this journey almost 10 years ago. I've always told  both children that having diabetes wouldn't stop them doing anything that they wanted to do, that I would never stop them doing anything because of  their diabetes. What a liar I turned out to be!
For Samuel the week was ok, he is quite laid back, goes with the flow. He isn't a fan of swimming, he went to the park a few times but he goes at a slower pace. The other thing that goes in his favour is that he doesn't remember life before diabetes, for him, it has always been there and he generally goes with it, not all the time, we do have the occasional outburst but I expect that to happen.
Victoria on the other hand.....wow!!!!! Even before diagnosis she would fly of the handle, she would be stroppy, defiant and generally hard work. This week she took it to a whole new level of crazy!! I get it, (as well as anybody can who doesn't physically have it) she was annoyed that she had to get out of the pool because she was hypo, yes I had given her something to eat before she got in, and yes we were continually getting her out to test, but swimming really effects her. She was getting frustrated because she couldn't go straight from swimming to the park. I was ruining her life, I was mean, I didn't want her to have a good time, you name it, she said it, and this was all on the first day! This pretty much continued for the whole week, we had lots of tears, her, me and Karen. There was some shouting (not useful) and there was some door slamming, her, not me. It was a hard week, and the first real test since she was diagnosed, it was really the first time that type 1 slowed her down, got in her way, interrupted what she was doing.
For me, it was the first time I really felt helpless, I didn't have the words to make her feel better, because, for the first time it really did stop her (albeit not for long) in her tracks. It was also the first time that I really had had enough, I didn't know what to do. We did, however, muddle through the week and come out the other side.
Thankfully, next week we have clinic and I am hoping that she will have a conversation with The Prof and tell him how she really feels. I'm hoping that he will have some answers, and this mumma for probably the first time doesn't know what to say.

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