Keep it to Yourself......

Day 2 of Diabetes Blog Week....
Well, I thought yesterday's topic was challenging but today's has proved even more difficult. So much so that the day is almost over and I'm only just writing it. Better late than never I guess!
Anyhow today's topic is 'Keep it to Yourself'. This is meant to be about the stories that I will never post online, or things that I don't share with family and friends. The thing is I'm fairly open about my sons diabetes. I don't really hide anything about his condition. If anyone asks me anything I will answer truthfully even if it's not pleasant, I think of it as an opportunity to educate. Knowledge is power!
If anything I suppose the thing I keep hidden is how his diabetes affects me personally. My husband was diagnosed before we got married, he was 23, so I had lived with diabetes in our relationship. When my son was diagnosed I can honestly say I was shell shocked. I mean I consider myself fairly clued up yet I missed most of the signs. Thankfully my husband and I spotted the thirst and as we had the equipment at home he was diagnosed without any real drama. There was so much to learn, taking care of a child with diabetes is completely different to a husband.
To the outside world, the people that know me in real life and online, I take it all in my stride, I'm laid back and don't stress too much about it. I can't change it, I can't take it away, it is what it is. Here's my secret I have days when I feel like I can't take anymore. When the glucose levels are all over the place,  my son is upset and hates diabetes and the whole world, my heart breaks just a little bit more. I suffer from depression, I have been on anti depressants for the last four years. I have days where it takes everything I've got to get up and get through the day.  The biggest thing is I think, is I have control issues, I need things to be perfect, and this condition doesn't really allow 'perfect'. I struggle with that the most, my coping mechanisms are not great but that's a whole other story.